Yesterday I yelled at my husband. I told him he did nothing to help with our son lately and that I was frustrated that I was having to do everything around the house like cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. while also doing daycare drop off and pick up, making my sons food, etc. and working full time.
While I felt completely validated in my thinking, this was a totally unfair statement. my husband is very hands on and helpful in reality and does actually help me a lot. I was tired and frustrated and lashed out though. While my husband does help out, he doesn't usually do things unsolicited. It's not that he isn't trying to be helpful, because I know that he would do anything for my son or I, it's more that he doesn't think of what to do. As lame as that is because it sounds like an excuse for him, it's totally true.
This is one of the frustrating mama things to me, and most other mamas that I know. It's the reason that we feel overextended and like we are doing so much - because we are. When our husband doesn't think to do something - we just do it. It's also one of my mama downfalls. When I do everything myself, I become a worse mama and wife. I get exhausted and burnt out and that almost always ends up with me lashing out in an unfair manner, generally on my husband, but every once in a while getting truly frustrated with my child as well.
I say its my downfall as a mama, because I am the one at fault. Sure, I wish my husband thought to do some of the things that I naturally do on my own, but I also can't expect him to do these things. He doesn't think the same way as me, and as inciteful as he is about my current moods, he can't read my mind. The fault is that I don't ask him to do some of these things. And I don't mean ask him by yelling at him, talking down to him when I'm already frustrated or some other manner that is putting him down. I mean asking him like telling him, I am truly struggling to find the time today and could use his help with X,Y.Z. When I ask him for help, he always comes around. He's my partner in this parenthood and is helpful when he knows what to do.
Maybe you're doing this alone, and you are a single parent. I first of all, praise you because I think there could be no harder job and you, mama, are killing it every day. But second, you're never truly alone. You just may have to call on someone different than a spouse. It may be a friend, a parent, a sibling, a co-worker, or any number of people that are in your life. But make sure you're utilizing your village of people. Whether just for support and praise along the way, or the hands on stuff too. You'll find people are a lot more willing to help out if you just ask for the help you need.
So hold yourself a little higher, give a shout out to all the other mamas out there doing their thing, and carry on with your multi-tasking, kick-ass attitude, because that's all there is left to do and we're all in this together.
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